Do you ever sit and think about how difficult it is to make our dreams a reality? I feel like it's all I think about these days. I ponder how hard it is, I listen to the naysayers, I give up before I begin. Why do we do that? Obviously it is difficult, it's not for everyone, it's not always going to happen. It does though, for some people it does. So who's to say that someone isn't me? Why do we doubt our own abilities? Something has told me, since I was a small child, that I would make an impact. I dream about being on stages, about having my own show, and building an empire. I know, crazy, everyone dreams stuff like that. Well I guess everyone dreams it, but maybe they don't want to believe they can really do it. I am going to challenge myself to believe it. I'm going to jump when opportunities arise, not shy away from the unknown. It is time, NOW! I can do this!
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I'm a chef
that cooks up gourmet meals I'm a stand in mom long before the training wheels I'm the laughing stock that's always quick to joke the one who thought I'd never give up cigarette smoke the girl who acts like she's one of the guys who sometimes hurts feelings 'cus she never tells lies the zombie loving weirdo all covered in blood not afraid to get dirty or play in the mud admits all her short comings but never defeat not afraid to admit that she sure likes to eat and dances around if the music is bumpin she recently works out to get the blood pumping always loves to rock out and mosh with the best sings karaoke, just about any song you'd suggest makes lots of friends and tries to be true loves to dress up and act like a fool doesn't watch sports it's so boring to my mind I'd rather see a comedy and laugh all the time I'm addicted to movies I've seen almost all of them then I erase them from my mind so it feels like the first time again I sing to commercials it's just something I've always done my friends joke but I'm good natured when they're picking fun I put on girly music to pick me up when I'm feeling low I can throw a mean punch you don't even wan't to know i like to rise up to a challenge never underestimate if you doubt me I will show you how wrong you are everyday I like to stay positive, as often as I can that's the way it's got to be I've been depressed, I've been a mess and I'm not going back you see I'm the girl who laughs a silly laugh so then you're laughing too an awesome sales person cus the customers know my aim is always true I hate religious, political, or racist jokes or debates I don't like when skinny girls think they need to lose weight I dislike rap songs that talk about money, cars and unclassy ladies and guys who don't take care of their kids but steadily having babies I love soaking up the sun but I hate to waste my time I really enjoy poetry and I've always loved to write I make silly rap songs and I talk about poo I'm not a normal girl and normal just won't do something about editing videos is soothing to my mind I wish it was my job and I could do it all the time being in a crowd is when I'm completely happiest and sometimes i block my mind from feeling anything tragic I really can't deal with death so suprisingly I just don't and I know this sounds strange but I do believe in ghosts and I believe in God although I'm not the perfect Christian I know that even the bad things help me stay in my position I dream that there is greatness that I one day will achieve I also dream a lot about flesh eating zombies I make up random words and get them into circulation but hate when they are really dumb and people remember me for them I cry watching the notebook, lion king, and that Mandy Moore flick I never like to call off work even if I'm super sick I talk too much I stress a lot but it always works out because eventually once I voice it I can try to sort it out I'll tell my whole story to anyone who cares or pretends to pay attention cus when day when I'm famous and have my own show maybe they will remember and listen I say the same quotes over and over in my head it becomes my mantra that's the way I get through life when it becomes a handful I hate to clean, I truly do but I'll do it if it needs done but one day when I'm super rich I'm definitely paying someone I love to sleep when it rains my most relaxing of times It's pretty much the only time I don't dream and can actually free my mind Something about trees has always been completely enthralling to me I like to capture them in many ways like painting and photography I think I'm smart about some things but in some I feel so dumb and though I love gardens I'll never grow one cus I don't have a green thumb I sing in the shower made up songs like I'm in a contest I'm always wearing multiple layers trying to hide my chest I feel awkward when I'm trying for cute not sure if it's a success but I look in the mirror and I have to be happy if I feel I look my best I'm pretty confident when I'm crazy but unsure of my serious self because if you laugh at me then I will feel like I have failed I've dealt with a lot in my life some truly could not overcome but somehow I keep on truckin and I'm glad that I've become so strong I love doing things outdoors but it's been a long time since I have can't believe that I gained so much weight that thought always makes me so mad and sometimes it sucks cus I never was loved by my dad but at least another stepped up and for that I could never feel bad and stupid people in life will push you down, stomp on your face but we have to remember that they are going through their own selfish things and recently someone said after a relationship ends we blame ourself and subconsciously we begin to become someone else maybe because we're afraid that we just weren't good enough but maybe the mistake was with the other the one that gave you up and that made me think about myself and who I really am and somewhere deep inside I vowed I'll never change for a man I am amazing, flaws and all a force to be reckoned with and one day I'll find a love that's true though I'm not rushing it for now I'll continue living each day remembering me cus now that I'm actually alone the possibilities are endless as the sea I ramble too often
and my thoughts don't make sense but I'm too straight forward to live life with regrets so I worry about things in the here and the now and I stress too hard till I figure it out I'll rarely give up even if it's to be assumed that nothing will go right and the whole plan is doomed this is who I am so tell me of yourself write it in a book and I'll keep it on my shelf. Ooh haha chocolate bar,
you make me want to break the rules man, I'm on a diet and I'm working so hard but it has almonds too, shoot, my favorite just one...little....piece mmm that was delicious yeah, I'm good glancing over again reading the nutrition facts 380 calories!! lord jesus that's a lot of crunches! Maybe I should throw it away hell no I'm not! I'll just go jogging later. Oh Joyous occassion
the inflation of your ego is aparent what a rush must be to touch such a greek god descendent so amazing broad chest not a girl has protest and yet here I am turning down your request and your angry, so vindictive your addictive persona is erased now only disbelief and madness on your face spitting furious words spewing venemous hurt then deciding your hands can continue the work and we fight in the night and for this I wont fail my minds blacking out but my fists steadilly wail on the face of the man who made me forget there are nice guys out there but some men are Dragon slaying
amazon tall and sculpted warrior dark and dank caves fighting, running escape asking for a leader enduring a lifetime of misery standing, changing fate fire breathing hate freezing, shivering death battling, administering fate time is irrelevant,
though this journey has a purpose, dialated eyes hang in the balance, of misconception, you arouse those inner demons, a goddess on the awakening, declining my altitude, dreamland no longer my escape. I felt the breeze,
it washed over me, and I was a feather, lifted and guided, I followed, full of peace, of certainty, that there was a place, that I should be, and though I had no control, for the first time, it was of no circumstance, I was trusting, and allowed, the breeze to carry me, for a moment, I paused instantly, realizing my fright, but opened my mind, surrendered my fate, and floated weightless, without stress, to my destination, of eternal rest. Therapeutic is my writing,
keeping my emotions at bay, feeling quite better, by the end of the page I write to keep me sane,
yet insanely I write, conjuring images, conflicting my mind, decisions, collisions, omissions, traditions, and violently wishing, to black out my history, deceiving me, leaving me, past life a mystery, grasping and gasping, leaving me breathless, longing for pain, writing my death wish, quivering, shivering, unwillingly overcome, by the sadness, that washes, over me till I'm numb. |
AuthorHi, I'm Kazidelicious I love food and making silly songs! Archives
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